The book came out when I was in college. I worked at an independent bookstore and I was setting up a new display when I pulled the self-help book out of the box.

            “WHAT is this?” I asked.

            My friend Brian came over to where I was working. “What is what?” he asked.

            “This,” I said, waving the book in his face.

            He took the book from me and began to page through it. “It looks like a self-help book,” he said.

            “I know that,” I said, taking it back from him, “But why are we selling it?”

            “We sell lots of stupid things,” he said.

            And that was that.

            The book continued to bother me though. More than anything it was the title. Who cares if he just not that into you? Maybe the truth of the matter is I’m just not that into him either. The concept behind the original saying in the Sex and The City episode was the liberation a woman feels from accepting that a man may just not be calling her back because there is no chemistry, or he has other issues going on, or he found somebody else. Basically, that it is not anything you did to make him not like you- it’s just life. This I fundamentally agree with.

            But the book and the movie (and to some extent the show) abandon this idea. It morphs into a greater problem of what women need to do. How are women supposed to read the signs that he’s not that into you? What type of guy is not likely to call you back? How can you tell if you have a future together or not? In the end, women are stuck in the situation as when they began- trapped in their head wondering why didn’t he call? Or, to tap into a greater problem, “What did I do wrong?”

            So this is me, telling you, “YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.” Sometimes guys don’t call back just because they are too lazy to see a good thing in front of them. After a recent break-up, when I was stuck deep in the trenches of “what happened?” my sister gave me some advice. She said, “You know, Laura, if you put a pot of gold in front of a retarded person, he’s probably just going to try and eat it.” After wincing at the offensiveness of the statement, I realized that it kind of made me feel better. In fact, what she said made me feel a lot better. I can expect a man to realize what he’s got. Most men stay married to women for years and years and still don’t realize what a gem they have.

            In college I took a course called Family Bonds, and we studied the history of marriage and families and how they are social constructions. In one particularly thrilling discussion we can across findings that said marriage is much better for men than for women. It increases their health, life expectancy, overall happiness, and even their sex drive. For women it is the opposite, marriage worsens their overall health and, to be frank, women have less sex after marriage than before! (This data was all shared during a class session and thus cannot be cited nor should necessarily be trusted. J )

            I only tell this to you to make you wonder, why are woman so desperate to get into relationships? Why do we feel we have to constantly critique ourselves, our mates, and our actions when it comes to relationships? Maybe we should just stop living our lives in relationship to men and start thinking about ourselves, cause if we really did that, we may not need a man at all…

We forget how beautiful the strange can be

Most of the time its good for me though. It is like watching a long segment of that Leno (or may be Letterman?) segment where he interviews American people and asks them questions to which we all think everyone knows the answer, but of course they don’t and we laugh. Yeah. It’s like this, but it’s not funny. And it pretty much makes me so furious I am pumped up on adrenaline for the next few hours at work.

As I listen, I am constantly tempted to pick up the phone and call. Unfortunately, I have possibly the worst luck ever and I know if I do get through it will be my one and only time ever so I am saving it for something great- like Jonas Brothers tickets (Obviously!).

I am prompted to write this post though because this morning I was forced to listen to not one but TWO crazy ladies try to convince me that Rihanna deserved to get punched in the face.

The argument was as follows: basically, there are a lot of psycho crazy bitches out there ,of which these girls are assuming Rihanna is one. They claimed that rumors say that Rihanna possibly gave Brown an STD, accused him of cheating, and threw his keys down the street.

WHOA! That bitch threw his keys. Fuck it. We should just kill her!

These woman are crazy. It pains me to see that females are still throwing one another under the bus. Even if Rihanna had punched Chris in the face, he would have no right to hit her back. I would like to bring it to the attention of the people that if someone assaults you and you respond by beating them back, it is not self-defensive- it is also assault. Unless you are afraid for your life, you should stay out of an altercation. Also, Rihanna weighs about as much as one of my shoes and I am sure the man could have restrained her without boxing her face.

It saddens me that the media and those watching it still decide to put women in two categories when it comes to crimes- madonnas or whores. If you don’t really understand this concept I urge you to read Helen Benedict’s book which through examples in the media paints a clear picture of how this negotiation plays out. (http://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Vamp-Press-Covers-Crimes/dp/0195086651) Either they are placed high on a pedestal and no matter what happened the man is crucified, or they are ground into the dirt for their character and told they “deserved” what they got. I am still waiting for the day when we can say that yeah, maybe that woman was not a good woman, but she did not deserve to get punched in the face by someone bigger and stronger than her. And how liberating for men would it be to be able to come forward and say a woman did something so bad that no one could blame him for hitting her, but that is in no way an option.

We are stuck with this problem as woman and men continue to grow more equal. Young ladies want to play in the same sports as men; movies like GI Jane show us that girls can rise to the challenge and be “just as good.” These are important things and good things, but there is still a power struggle in place between males and females and a history of abuse (mentally, physically, sexually, emotionally) that leave me feeling a bit uneasy.

The cycle of abuse and abusive relationships go far beyond a woman getting punched in the face. It involves fear and anger and love and dependency. To ever say that a woman deserves it is to say that she deserves to be alone, deprived of all her needs. I was disgusted today with the ignorance and hurtfulness of the two women on the radio and hope that one day they never have to experience what Rihanna went through.

In closing, without the least bit intention of comparing women to dogs, I would like to remind everyone of the Michael Vick case from a few years ago. He is still serving jail time for his horrible and cruel treatment of dogs and he was crucified in the media for his actions. I am interested to see what kind of reaction we will have to Brown. Will we send a man to jail for two years for hurting/ killing animals and then let off a man for beating women cause “she deserved it?” I hope not. And if we do, I hope we never get to a day where the dogs “deserve it” too…

So you don’t think me a crazy, end-of-times lady, I have included links to several of the disturbing stories I recently came upon. Let me know if you have the same unsettling reaction I have…

1. Icland’s Government Collapses

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/world/europe/27iceland.html?_r=1&scp=4&sq=January+27+2009&st=nyt

2. Storm Sweeps Northeast From Texas; at Least 23 Are Dead

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/29/us/29weather.html?ref=us

3. Commentary: Salking has become an Epidemic

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/01/28/velez-mitchell.stalking/index.html

4. Economic Troubles Bring many to the Brink

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/mentalhealth/01/28/economy.mental.woes/index.html

5. Huge Crowds join French Strikes

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7857435.stm

6. Emperor Penguins Face Extinction

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7851276.stm

7. Tajik Women who Buy and Sell Babies

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7797823.stm

8. Russia, China Blames Woes on Capitalism

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123315961511224575.html?mod=article-outset-box

The world is full of stories. Each person encounters something new everyday. This new encounter then becomes part of a larger chain of expereince and subsequently adds to the story of that person’s life as a whole. It is in these little vignettes where one might discover the true salt of life.

These stories largely go unheard though. They are lburted out in random encounters, andthen dissapate into the universe, carrying with them their significance and perhaps thetrue value. It is my desire to begin to record these moments of intimacy between strangers. The verbal hiccups where one person involuntarily releases something inside of them. And I hope you find them as enthralling and stimulating as I do- little reminders that we are all people and amazing things happen everyday.

http://jenapincott.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/semen-has-mind-control-properties/